I really miss Hannah and Alfreda now. Alfreda especially, because she's hardly online, unlike Hannah. 'Cos Hannah's often online in webmessenger and in Habbo, so once in a while, I get to talk to Hannah and tell her about my problems. Get what I mean? Whenever I run into crushes or any BGR (Boy-girl relationship) problems, I'd find no inconvenience when confiding in them. But now that I'm experiencing one, I can't call Hannah because I don't have her number. And I can't call Alfreda 'cos I always end up calling her at the wrong time of the day. I 'd either wake her up in the morning, or bother her in the afternoon when she's busy, or when she's about to head down to her dining table for her lunch or dinner. I can't confide in my brother because he'd slap me hard on the face and remind me that I'm only 11, and tell me that he's really disappointed in me. I can't confide in my mom too because I remember that I once promised her not to date till I'm 18. My father's not an exception too because he's rather strict. He'd forbid me from attending Sunday school services and he'd lock me up in my room. It'd be no difference from living a life in jail if I choose to confide in my father. I've tried it with God, to be honest. And I do feel better. But the problem is that there isn't any response at all. Even if there was, it'd be my imagination. And I'd imagine God saying, "Kaely, go for it! You like him! Go for it! You go girl!".

And I don't have an adult as a friend except for... teacher Vincent.
Should I confide in him? Should I call him? Maybe not. He'd call my mother.
Now I ask myself- Why am I exaggerating?

Because I'm a girl. I'm behaving like one, aren't I? Because it's my first time being so engrossed with a guy. So I'm being all paranoid because it feels great yet it makes me feel rather guilty.


This is the only thing that can cheer me up now. New York City- 12 December 2008. Come to mama. Maybe I can confide in Aunt Charis if my strong liking for him doesn't fade away by then. I love NY! For tomorrow's post, I'd refrain from talking about the whole BGR thing. I'll talk about what I wish to do when I arrive in NYC.
Till then, toodles!